I want to stress a very important point that I'm not sure was clear in my recent post What Should I Say?.
Mike and I never took offense to anything that was spoken to us even if it did not quite come out right. We knew the heart of each person. We knew they were offering us support and that meant so much.
I wrote that post simply because it's a question that keeps popping up. Like I said before, I do not know if I have the answer. I no way feel I am full of wisdom but I do think there are definitely better ways to say things.
I enjoyed reading the responses and getting a more in depth perception of what goes through our minds during such a time.
I was fearful, that after reading that post people might be thinking, "Oh crap! Was that me? Did I say that to them?" It's really not a situation like that. We have never been angry with anyone and we love all of you!
*hugs*
Just to Clarify
Friday, February 6, 2009
Posted by Kristen at 8:52 AM
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*hugs* I'm sure that everyone understands. I sure I could have worded my comment to your post better so as not to hurt feelings, but I think everyone understands that 1) You were really trying to help people to know how to handle the difficult moment of helping a friend who has just gotten a diagnosis for their baby, and 2) we were all just blowing off some steam. We're all entitled, this isn't an easy path. And all of those friends who have stayed with us through so much will certainly understand that too.
Having said that I would say that the idea of how to handle these situations is one that does not get enough attention in our society and you are to be commended for trying to address this omission. In taking on the FetalHydrocephalus site I found myself suddenly needing to know what to say in a lot of situations that I had never dealt with before. As a society we tend to ignore the imperfections of life and only deal with them if we absolutely must. As a result we are often completely unprepared when we find ourselves or our loved ones in such a situation.
I have learned, I have made mistakes in how I have answered people. But in the end I think that everyone understands that we are all trying, that even if we cringe inside at the immediate response we are ultimately grateful that a response was given instead of a turned back.
*hugs again*
Michelle,
I think your comment was worded just fine. You're right, we all have moments of steam to let off even while our deep initial feelings are appreciation for people reaching out in the first place.
I think you have been an awesome Mom that has set a fine example to us other Hydro mom's. I kind of view you as our leader. Your website you created is so genius! It's so full of wisdom and I'm sure you would be perfect to handle such a topic as "What Should I Say?".
I hope Owen is continuing to feel great and is working on wearing out his second set of wheels on his walker.
*hug*
You two are amazing. I've not commented in a long time, but I'm still faithfully reading! Can you believe it's almost been a year???
I thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings about Cayman and how to approach special needs families. I have a feeling that I have way too big a mouth and have said the wrong thing to many people along the way. Your wisdom and openness is enlightening, and probably making me a better person. :)
She is precious, and she has some terrific parents!
Thanks Kristen!
Owen is a happy little man. He had an awesome speech therapy session today and the last few weeks are really some of the most fun we have had with him since he was born. I'm a happy Mommy right now.
*hugs to Cayman too*
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