video, crying

Friday, September 4, 2009

I consider "crying" an achieved milestone for Cayman.

Months would go by before we would hear her cry. I think the longest span was 6 months.

Her complaints were always in the form of a whimper or fussiness, and even that was pretty mild. Nothing close to a bellowing cry.

While I did heed the advice to enjoy it, I also kind of worried about it too.

I was not sure if it was just the care-free personality of an easy-going baby or if Cayman's brain was not developed enough for her to understand how to voice herself.

When we moved into our house in March (the day before Cayman's first birthday), that was the first time she had a room of her own. It was an adjustment, not for Cayman, but for me to have her sleep a whole room away!

She had always slept in a bassinet, crib, or pack-n-play next to my side. But when we moved into our house, we finally had enough space to give her a room of her own. I set up the baby monitor in that empty space by my side.

Usually her sounds over the monitor in the morning were quiet and soft, not always enough to wake me, so I set my alarm clock for the same hour that Cayman typically woke up at, 7 a.m.

One morning, in the middle of April, I woke up and heard the tiny sounds over the monitor of Cayman rustling in her bed.

I pulled myself out from under the warm covers, visited the bathroom, and then headed to Cayman's room ready to greet my smiling baby.

But I did not find her smiling. I was devastated by the sight before me.

Cayman was laying on her back and she had vomited...a lot. Part of it was mucus and it was thick in her mouth, running out of her nose, and her hair was soaked in it. She was trying to rub it away from her face with the back of her hand but only smearing it into her eyes, causing them to water and become blood shot.

The image of her tiny frame looking up at me, so helpless, even now thinking back on it, makes me feel like I got the wind knocked out of me.

She never cried, so I do not know how long she laid like that. It could have been just a minute, or several minutes. But either way, it freaked me out.

Cayman was sick because her shunt had failed.

A couple days later when we brought her home from the hospital, the pack-n-play was set up next to my side again and that is where she has continued to sleep each night.

During the day, Cayman takes her naps in her room, but at night she's by my side.

Cayman is older and stronger now. She's mastered rolling and crying, which gives me some peace about her sleeping in her own room again, once I bring myself to part with her that is. It won't be today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon.

I pray I never find her like that again but if I do I think she'll cry out for me. And that is a milestone I cherish!

6 Showin' Comment Love:

Monica said...

Your story made me tear up. I know as a mom how we worry about every tiny thing and to find your sweet girl like that...I am sorry.

BUT she is getting stronger!! I know you must be feeling so great about how much she is accomplishing. Way to go, Cayman!

Josephine said...

That is the saddest little story...poor Cayman. It's not very often that parents are grateful for a crying child, but this is one of those times that you can be grateful for one of those things that most parents don't consider a blessing. Sweet girl!

Carla said...

Poor Cayman & poor mom!! I know how you feel. It was only recently that I felt comfortable having Little Man sleep in another room. I've also wondered if he does'nt cry because he's so easy going or if he just hasn't gotten to that point in development. I'll cheer (& cry) with you when Cayman cries:)

Tara said...

Oh I too know that I never wanted to part with Michelle. I remember having taken her to the Dr on Dec. 14,2006 for a yeast infection and they gave her a clean bill of health everything was fine. Then we went home for naptime. Now he head circumfrence was fine no changes while at the doctor. I went to check on Michelle and she was COVERED in vomit and he HC was 5 CM bigger than before. After that Michelle slept with me until I got pregnant with Abigail.

Tyler said...

Tyler is also an easy going guy and rarely cries. I had the same concerns as you...glad that he is easy going but worried that he couldn't communicate his distress. I am sure 'we' (moms with special needs kids) are the only ones thankful for a crying baby. And 'we' thank God every day for ALL of their little achievements, from crying to holding their head up to sucking from a bottle and the list can go on and on. 'We' are very blessed to have our children in our lives.

Diane, Tyler's mom

Sherri said...

How scary! I know for the first 16 mos. or so of Miles' life- I kind of liked it when he would wake up and cry in the middle of the night-that way I at least knew he was ok. Kind of weird, but as you know--things are a bit different with these little ones.