Video, Day 10 ~ Newborn Cayman

Friday, May 8, 2009

Life is interesting in that you can try to plan but you can not always control what’s going to happen.

Three years ago I had it all planned out. I was going to become a mom.

That part did work out eventually, but very little went according to my plans.

For the first 5 weeks of my pregnancy I walked around in pure bliss, feeling complete joy knowing that I had a tiny person living and growing inside of me. It was every bit as beautiful of an experience I hoped it would be.

Then I was hit with the dreadful “morning” sickness that instead of coming and going just in the mornings, stayed with me all day and all night. I became confined to my bed, trying everyday to meet the challenge of keeping enough liquids down so I would not be hospitalized. I called my doctor several times and he kept reassuring me everything was fine, and some of the healthiest babies he sees come from the sickest pregnancies.

I got through those sick days by counting down to the next scheduled ultrasound appointment. Seeing my baby up on that monitor gave me strength to get through each miserable day with a smile on my face.

Little had I planned that that next ultrasound would deliver very dark and grim news.

I heard words like…hydrocephalus, brain damage, water on the stomach, and one kidney.

I was terrified. I became filled with grief, heartache, and confusion.

I held onto Cayman’s ultrasound pictures...touching them, hugging them. She felt so far away, out of my arms reach, yet she was right there, tucked warmly away inside of me. It was strange to have her so near, yet she felt so far.

I prayed for God to be nearer to me than the terror I felt. I knew He could fix it. He was powerful enough to make my baby girl all better!

Oh boy, did I beg Him!!

He faithfully sat and listened as I poured out my heart over and over again.

Even though I never had a moment where I felt it was going to be all better and things would go according to my plans, God filled me with peace.

I didn’t know how I would get through it, but I knew I would.
I think that is what peace is in the mist of a storm.

Today, Cayman is 14 months old! She survived; I survived, but more than just survival came the learned lessons of trust, complacency, and happiness. I love where life has taken me. I am truly happy. The vital key to all that gain is not because God fixed everything and made it go according to my plans, but because I trusted Him with His plans.

Watching Cayman live and grow has been an indescribable experience. She is perfect in every way. Raising a child like her has taught me to find the joy and beauty in life’s journeys.

I can truly say I do not regret knowing that kind of pain and heartache I experienced. It has made the joy that I feel now all the more sweeter. It has made all the things Cayman learns and does all the more exciting.

The final video I want to share with you in this movie series is not a recent video, but rather the beginning of Cayman’s journey in this world.

It is the first minutes of her life, shortly after she was born.

I chose to include this video because in everything Cayman does, the image of her when she was first born plays in my memory, and I am completely astonished by her accomplishments. She has come so far.

When I watch this video I feel the grace of God, His hand on Cayman, performing a miracle that only He can do.

A baby girl that defied all odds....

A hydrocephalus so severe the Neurosurgeon said it was one of the worse he has ever seen in a baby girl...

Anomalies so serious the medical team was prepared for anything...

But she was alive!

And breathing on her own!

It was a miracle!

"Thank you, my dearest Mike, even with all the worry and chaos taking place, you thought to turn on the camera and record it all so I would not "miss" it. I love you!"

video

Have a happy weekend!!

30 Showin' Comment Love:

Sarah said...

She sure did and continues to defy the odds.

Thanks for sharing such a special video with us.

Love Sarah

Monica said...

This video is so precious. Cayman's daddy's voice just broke my heart when he asked if he was allowed to touch her. What a great day that was!!

Cayman is truly part of my heart in a totally non creepy stalker-less way.

Thanks for sharing!

Grandma S said...

What a wonderful tribute to a beautiful little girl! I didn't realize how many of the adorable little features she has today were there since day one...the cute little nose...that sweet mouth...those stinky feet!

The Soldatke family said...

Kristen,

Thanks alot! Thanks for making me SOB before 8a.m. There should have been some warning on that video---do not watch without scads of kleenex. And then imagine me audibly sobbing when Mike asks, is it okay if I touch her? Yep that was me...sobbing uncontrollably.

What a beautiful video and song...I would like to get that song to play on Matthew's CD player at night....beautiful beautiful!

Thank you so much for sharing that...she truly is a miracle!

Carla said...

Thank you so much for sharing all the vidoes this week. I truly enjoyed them & yes, I had tears in my eyes too!

Grandma Cindy said...

WOW...You sure have a way Kris at being able to produce the emotion and thoughts that there just aren't words for! Cayman is such a miracle and blessing! You and Mike do such a GREAT job with her in bringing into her world a normalcy and expectancy of her...you have never "tag" her... you haven't let the medical field determine who she is... God knew exactly what He was doing when he gave Cayman you two as parents! Proud of you my Sunshine! Cayman has made you shine even brighter! Love you ones! I pray your Mother's Day will be special!

Wendy P said...

I'm not sure if I've ever posted, but I've read your blog since the beginning.

Thank you so much for sharing this! What a blessed family! Her Daddy broke my heart when he asked if he was allowed to touch her. And touch her he did! I loved so much seeing how he took to his baby girl in a heartbeat.

Thank you for sharing Cayman with us - she's truly a miracle.

Aaron and Lindsay said...

Kristen,
I got on your blog from my cousin Jessie's.. and have been reading/following it for some time now. This is simply the most precious video ever! Thank you for sharing! You are an awesome mom with an awesome little girl.. I hope you have a fantastic Mother's Day, you deserve it!

Jennifer said...

What a beautiful and precious miracle girl! And what a special video to have. Cayman is such a sweetheart. She sure had long and skinny feet when she was born! :c) I have always loved her smile. You can see her tender spirit in her smile. She's a gem! Add me to the list of the sobbing. Such a sweet video. Thank you for sharing it!

Happy Mother's Day, Kristen!

Cassandra said...

Ahhhh Sweetie! My Kindrid and My Lillian really enjoyed watching this video. What a wonderful Mother's Day we hope you have. Let me give you hope...our daughter was given a grim diagnosis and she is now four with an IQ of a seven year old. Doctors do not know anything more than statistics. Take care!

Cassandra

Tsquared417 said...

Well thanks for the good cry today! What a perfect way to celebrate her life and Mother's Day. She is a miracle and you are amazing. I'm so blessed to know you all.

Tara said...

Kristen-

That brought me to tears. Not bad tears good ones. I remembered everything. From day one. From the day I found out I was pregnant with all of my kids. To know and to have seen everything. As big of a battle as our baby girls have gone through, God truely was with them every step of the way. Cayman is a beautiful little girl. Happy mothers day!

Sheila Smith said...

Yeah, totally boo-hooing here! Love the video, especially the song! Can you give me the title and who sings it? What a special song for such a special little girl! Perfect!

Kristen said...

The song is:

A Mother's Prayer (Hannah's Song)

by Rachel Aldous

Alice said...

What a beautiful video and song. What is the name of the song you used?

Aunt Sam said...

Cayman is a miracle!! Your words Kris, are very inspirational!! I've seen the video before, and i was even tearing up!! Love you all!! :)

Teri D said...

God is good all the time! What a blessing she is and all the Mommies and Daddies in the world and she picked you to be her parents. How special you must be.

God bless.

Sherri said...

What a breathtaking video. I'm so glad that His plans are far greater than ours. I hope you have a beautiful Mother's Day, and I know you will! I think my favorite part was when Daddy touched her for the first time:) Or maybe watching Cayman touch her own face for the first time. Beautiful.

Tyler said...

WOW...what a beautiful video. Cayman has definately beat all odds. But who would of thought any less because I am sure she got your determination and courge from her mom and dad to keep fighting. What a true miracle!!
I wish you a great Mother's Day!!

Diane, Tyler's mom

KajnBlonde said...

I have enjoyed Cayman's videos all week, but this one was soooo special. My eyes are still full of tears as I write this... Cayman is such a beautiful baby girl.
Cayman is so lucky to have such wonderful, loving parents as you two.
I thank you for letting me into your family thru your blog and videos...

Mary

Mary said...

How beautiful!!! Rex has been asking to watch more baby Cayman videos. She has certainly captured his attention.

Lisa said...

After the non-stop weekend that I have been having, this post brought a sense of calm and comfort; a reminder to slow down and count all the blessings around me.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts...and most importnantly, the video. It was beautiful. And the music made it especially touching.

Cayman is a miracle.

Thank you so much for being such a dear friend, Kristen.

Kacey Bode said...

OK, along with everyone else this made me sob!! Especially when Mike asked if he was allowed to touch her. His voice was so sweet talking to Cayman when she would get upset! Cayman has been amazing since before birth, and has shown us all that NOTHING will hold her back! Thank you for sharing that. Happy Mother's Day Kristen!!

Lisa said...

Kristen,
I just got home from my concert (which was AMAZING). The last thing that I did before leaving to go to the concert hall tonight was watch Cayman's video....and she was on my mind all night :) I was in the midst of Beethoven's 7th and having sweet thoughts of your little angel. Just thought I'd let you know :)

Renee' said...

I have been following your blog for several months after I found it on Kaydans. I have to say I have never commented before because you don't know me but when I saw your newborn video of Cayman I knew I had to comment.

What a beautiful daughter you have whose life is such and inspiration and miracle. She has a way of getting into your heart and keeping a little piece of it. I have not cried like I did tonight in such a long time. It was a good cry though. The song was so beautiful and I am so thankful that God knows every hair on our childrens heads. "Can I touch her" are four words that you could tell were said in love and the desire to be able to comfort his first born precious daughter. He also had the sweetest gentle touch for Cayman and you can almost see the love in his fingertips. God has truly blessed you and I can think of no greater Mother and Father for the miracle that is Cayman.

Happy Mothers Day. May God continue to bless you and your family. You will remain in my prayers. Thanks again for sharing the videos and moments of Caymans life.

Beth said...

Now that I am in tears and my girls are asking me what is wrong! What a beautiful video and an even more beautiful little girl!! I started reading your blog when you were still pregnant, so I feel like I "know" Cayman and I get so excited for her with every accomplishment! Thank God for giving Cayman such wonderful parents!!!!

Amber said...

sobbing...oh my goodness...that is beautiful. What sent me over the edge was her daddy moments. Hearing him comfort her with his voice and then asking if he could touch her...Oh my mommas heart was all over that!
Thank you so much for sharing. It is an encouragement to my heart.
:0)

We just found out...after knowing for quite sometime that our girl is "special"...that she is missing parts of chromosomes...this has been an even more special Mother's Day.

Debbie said...

What a beautiful video of a miracle child. I love the music too...you always find just the right song! Precious, Precious!

Katie said...

Crying like a baby here. I watch that video and my eyes welled with tears when your husband asks if he can touch her. What miracles God has in store for Cayman, Elisabeth, and Lilah. What testimonies they will have.

Lilah had trouble breathing when she came out, before we knew about her eyes, and it was all very surreal and hard to hear, watch,etc.
I have been reminded this weekend, many times, to slow down and enjoy each moment.
My days have been very hard lately. The more I feel isolated and the less I feel understood.
I look at Cayman and am happy for your little miracle. God knows...ONLY HE knows!

//J said...

I have been following your blog and this is the time to leave a comment.

I had to watch the video two times because of all tears it was difficult to see anything. But to be honest, it wasn't easier on the second time either.

What a beautiful, beautiful babygirl you have! And you as her parents are amazing!