We Prayed, He Answered...I'm so Glad

Cayman's repeat CT scan today showed her ventricles increased slightly more in size. After reviewing the scans the team from neurosurgery made their presence at Cayman's bedside to get a closer evaluation of how she was doing.

From yesterday to today we had seen an increase in her sleepiness but much less vomiting. So she seemed to be getting better in one sense but worse in another way too. But when the Neurosurgeon tried to wake her up and she did not arouse, the room took on a new level of seriousness. She did finally wake up but it took many painful pinches and squeezing toes before she finally cracked open her eyes just slightly.

That was a hard moment. Scary. It showed how badly Cayman's condition was worsening.

Cases were bumped and she was put next in line for the operating room.

Indeed, it was a shunt malfunction. *sigh* But to be completely honest, I felt relieved. Carrying on each day without knowing what was wrong felt way worse than just knowing and getting the problem fixed.

The part of my heart that sinks over the need for yet another shunt revision is the part that resides in our life at home. I wrote yesterday about trying to find normalcy in each day. It's a fine balance between productive cautiousness and living in fear. A shunt malfunction is always a possibility. The last 3 months have me feeling jumpy...4 shunt related surgeries that close together.

I know the seriousness and the deep anguish that came from holding my lifeless Cayman in my arms due to a shunt failure. My mind will never let me forget the grief that stole my breath away in those moments back in May when her heart stopped beating.

And to be honest, I don't want to completely forget because that memory holds me in a place that has me never taking simple things for granted and there's beauty in that.

So while I am painfully learning a deeper truth to how unpredictable life really can be, I am also learning the value in Pollyanna's "Glad Game". Have you ever watched that movie? It was a favorite of mine as a child.

And today I am just glad that my little Cayman survived through another scary shunt failure.

And so did I.

Thank you for praying!