Waiting in the Hospital

Thursday, August 19, 2010

I keep going over each symptom in my mind and searching for clues. Is this a shunt failure? Is it something else? Cayman remains the same - very sick. I am trying to deny the discouragement that is creeping up. I am tired, frustrated, and hoping. Hoping for something...a fix...some answers...that will make Cayman feel better. But a deeper hope runs within me for us to know the ease of a fabulously working shunt for a long time. Like I mean - Forever!

Forever sounds real good.

And I feel the hope that maybe this time it is not related to her shunt. The urine test came back with small traces of leukocytes but it's possible it was not a clean catch since it was a bag and not done through a catheter. But if it is just a bladder infection, what a simple fix! She is being started on an antibiotic to see if it makes any difference in Cayman's condition. If she gets better than perhaps we found the source of Cayman's sickness. But if not, we continue the search. The plan is to repeat her head CT scan tomorrow and take a look at her ventricle sizes again.

My mind feels caught in a swirl wind of life's unpredictable episodes and how I can find normalcy in each day when this can always be a possibility that pops up suddenly. As parents we try to protect our children from those things that pose a threat to them. We baby proof the house. We rescue them before they get another step closer to the top of a stair case. But I can't protect Cayman from shunt failures. I am struggling with how little control I have over this. But in the midst of it God is showing me His sovereignty. He is showing me that I don't need to be in control of it. Because He is and He knows.

I need to remember that. And even more importantly, trust it - always.

18 Showin' Comment Love:

Sarah said...

Really hoping it isn't a shunt infection/malfunction. Thinking of you all xxx

Cindy said...

I am so sorry to hear Cayman is sick. We'll be praying it's only a bladder infection, or something very mild and treatable!

Sue said...

Wish there was something 'wonderful' I could say to make you feel better....and to make 'it' all better. I can't imagine living as you do....each day having the possibility of shunt failure....I guess you can't let it consume you, but I know that is easier said than done! You will always be in my thoughts and prayers....whether things are not going great....as is the case now, or when things are going smoothly!

Tyler said...

I am so sorry to hear about Cayman. I hope this wait and see thing is nothing and that it is not her shunt. I will continue to pray.

Diane

Joyce said...

OH NO. So thinking of you. I'm not sure if your Niagra vacation was written in real time. If so, is it possible it was the water park? We stopped taking Sarah to those(one being the one I believe you were at) after two near fatal situations with her. Her delicate medical state just could not handle all that is lurking around there. Just a thought if it does not seem to be a shunt malfunction.

The Soldatke family said...

Lets hope that it IS something different. I can't imagine what, especially without a fever, but man...a good GI bug would be so dandy..especially if it didn't mean sugery!! Continuing to pray!

Kristen said...

Joyce,

The waterpark was nearly 2 weeks ago so it doesn't seem likely that that is it. And her immune system is amazingly healthy for all the medical complications she's had. In her 2 1/2 years of life she has rarely been sick by germ (virus) related. So who knows...it's all puzzling.

Dawn said...

So sorry to hear about this latest hospitalization! You will be in my prayers.

brotherlyloveejkp said...

Kristen-
you are all in my thoughts and prayers. I am hoping right along with you for a quick, easy fix. Remain hopeful and positive that God will see this through - he has a plan.

Linda said...

I read your blog every couple of days, and I feel like I know you well! Praying that you are home SOON with a healthy Cayman! Praying...

Gretchen said...

From a very former cheerleader: Give me a B, give me an L, give me an A, give me a D....let's go bladder!

Okay, poor attempt...but just wanting ya'll to know that since she has to be there right now, we are praying that is what it is.

Cayman is one strong muffin! She will get better and be back to her good ole self soon, as you and everyone else who knows her or knows about her, has already claimed in Victory!!

Insert pom pom jumpy thing here with loud cheer for Cayman!

Joyce said...

Thanks for the update. Guess the water park is out. Sure hope something surfaces soon to explain the sickness. How are you feeling these days? This has to be so hard for all of you. Hugs and prayers.

Kristen said...

Joyce,

In the last week I have begun to feel better...appetite improving, nausea without vomiting, and even the fatigue is a little better. Now, that is kind of being thrown out the window in the last couple days. The bouncy ride from the back of the ambulance was rough but I'm proud I did not throw up, even when Cayman was throwing up I still was able to hold my own. I will not lie, the hospital life is tough while pregnant. Trying to sleep with my body requiring more than its average is impossible and I feel plain exhausted. I am blessed to have Mike. He takes great care of me. I am so glad I have that man to go through stuff like this with. And little Cayman, she always gives me strength to stay brave and keep pushing through. We're enduring.

David said...

cayman is sick? lame! here's to her getting better and back to giving fist bumps to anyone within range! :)

Kendra said...

Praying for you right now. Sweet Cayman, get better!

Josephine said...

I'm sorry to hear that poor sweet Cayman is in the hospital again :( I hope that they are able to locate the problem really soon, and pray that it isn't shunt related.

Sherri said...

I'm praying for clear, simple answers and that it's just the flu. Poor Cayman has had a rough summer (and Mom and Dad, too). Hang in there!

Beth said...

Praying for sweet Cayman and for you and Mike!!!!!