Happy 1st Birthday

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Dear precious Cayman,

There are no words that I could write in this letter that would be able to express what you are to us. For months we asked and patiently (sometimes impatiently) waited on God to bless us with a child. The day I discovered I was pregnant with you was one of the happiest days of my life! Your daddy was over come with excitement too. He took the day off work to be with you and me. He cooked us a delicious breakfast and then later we walked on the beach. We talked about you and imagined all the places we would take you someday. I thought about your nursery and what colors I wanted to paint it. We took "bets" on whether you were a boy or a girl (Daddy was wrong!).

I framed your first ultrasound picture and put it next to my bedside. It helped me remember during all those long days I felt sick to keep enduring it for the precious treasure at the end.

On November 9th, 2007 we heard the beginning of what has become your story. My heart broke and I fell into a pile of tears as the doctor told us something was desperately wrong with you. He told us about your head, then he moved on to tell us there was something wrong with your tummy too, and that was not the end to his list. Your Daddy and I sat there with heavy hearts as we considered what was being laid before us. We were asked if we wanted to give you up. Never in a million, billion, gazillion years will I ever answer yes to that. We knew you had been ordained by God to be ours and the will of your life should remain in His hands.

So for the next 17 weeks we traveled the winding road of uncertainties, waiting for God to show us the miracle that you have become. We
collected many ultrasounds pictures of you. You looked so precious, so beautiful, just perfect. I could not imagine anything was wrong. I wanted to hold you. It was strange to me to have you so near yet you felt so far!

It has now been one year since you entered this world and my dream of being a mother came true! I often look at you, my precious Cayman, and wonder how I got so lucky! With all the mothers in this world, you were sent to me. I feel so honored to be chosen.

You came to us so perfect, sweet, and innocent. I think back to that day you were born and when I got to hold you in my arms for the very first time! I was filled with joy! It was a moment I drempt about for so long and it was finally here.

Did you know it was difficult for me to leave you in the NICU while I went to my own hospital room? It was the first night we slept apart from each other. Even with my body so weary and tired I longed to be next to your side, holding you while you slept. That next day Daddy arranged it so I would be moved to a hospital room on the same floor as you. I liked knowing you were only a few hallways away instead of three flights of stairs.

There are so many memories from those first 3 weeks of your life in the NICU. There were ups and there were downs. Sometimes I still feel my stomach tightened up as I think back to those days. I have never known emotional hurt like I did then watching you be in pain. I held your tiny hand and rubbed your forehead singing in your ear the comforting songs I listened to while you were still in my tummy. Your daddy and I rarely left your side. We wanted you to feel our love. We wanted you to know we will always be there for you.

I still am taken back to those days when I smell Purell aloe hand sanitizer. It's the only kind I will buy now. That smell reminds me of when your precious life began in this world. It reminds me that God has always been there and He will always be.

When we brought you home from the hospital I felt so frightened. I wanted to do a good job taking care of you but I felt like I knew so little about how to be your mom. You have taught me many lessons in bravery and confidence, little one. You have helped me step outside of my comfort zone and grow to be a stronger person than I ever thought possible. Watching you grow and explore the world around you at your own pace has also taught me patience and contentment. But my greatest lesson I have learned is extracting happiness from the common simple joys of life.

Did you know my favorite part of each day is when I take a look at your smiling face and realize I get to spend the whole day with you? Every day of my life is just perfect! You fill our home with excitement and laughter. Oh how we love seeing you kick your tiny feet when we are near. Just a single smile from you has such power to change the course of a dreary day.

Thank you, Cayman, for being a strong little girl.

Thank you
for thinking your life is worth living. We sure do!

Daddy and I promise to always care for you, protect you, and guide you.

Happy 1st Birthday little one.


Your Mom

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