My Faith expressed through songs

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

I just couldn't seem to sleep tonight...which is a rarity for me since I became a mom. I decided to use my awake energy to write this post for you.

If you notice I posted a play list on my sidebar several months ago. These songs bring me peace. They tell a story of how my faith in God was directed during my pregnancy. Many of the songs I listened to everyday. The most popular one being Never Alone by Barlow Girls. Listen to these words:

I waited for you today
But you didn't show
No no no
I needed You today
So where did You go?
You told me to call
Said You'd be there
And though I haven't seen You
Are You still there?

I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone

And though I cannot see You
And I can't explain why
Such a deep, deep reassurance
You've placed in my life

We cannot separate
'Cause You're part of me
And though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen

Those words expressed exactly the way I felt after Cayman's 20 week ultrasound when her hydrocephalus was discovered. I was completely terrified of the words the doctors spoke to us that day.

Over those next weeks we prayed hard...harder then we ever have. We kept hoping we would return to an ultrasound appointment and find it better, or even all gone! But the very opposite of that happened. The hydrocephalus got worse. A lot worse!!

The next lyrics I grabbed a hold of was All I Have by Vineyard...

You're the hope I'm holding to
I might weep but still my faith
Rests in You

I still everyday kept hoping and praying we would return from an ultrasound appointment with good news but it never happened. New anomalies were discovered. A total of 5 systems were incorrectly forming in Cayman's body that the doctor could see on the ultrasound.

(My Savior My God by Aaron Shust)

I am not skilled to understand
What God has willed, what God has planned

(You Are Still Holy by Kim Hill)

Holy, You are still holy
Even though I don't understand Your ways
Sovereign, You will be sovereign
Even when my circumstances don't change

I stopped praying that God would fix it. The only request I spoke was, "Please help my baby. Please help me to follow what it is You want." And I spent the rest of my pregnancy days listening to this song:

(Bring the Rain by Mercy Me)

I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that
I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You

Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings
You glory And I know there'll
be days When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to
praise You Jesus, bring the rain

I am yours regardless of the clouds that may
loom above because you are much greater than
my pain you who made a way for me suffering
your destiny so tell me whats a little rain

Cayman is almost 10 months old now! It's exciting isn't it!?! Now I sing:

(Amazing by Janelle)

You’re so amazing
You shine like the stars
You’re so amazing
The beauty you are
You came blazing
Right into my heart
You’re so amazing
You are, You are

You came from Heaven shining
Breath of God still fresh on you
The beating heart inside me
Crumbled at this one so new

No matter where, how far you wander
For a thousand years or longer
I will always be there for you
Right here with you
I hope your tears are few and fast
I hope your dreams come true at last
I hope you find love that goes on and on and on and on and on
I hope you wish on every star
I hope you never fall too far
I hope this world can see how wonderful you are

7 Showin' Comment Love:

Ann said...

I love how songs can minister to us in a time of need. Thank you so much for sharing the songs that minister to you. There are a couple I've never heard and when I'm done commenting I'm off to look them up :)

When I was pregnant with Jonathan (my oldest) my grandmother passed away. I was very close to her and her death before Jonathan was born was very hard for me to deal with. I listened to "Blessed Be Your Name" by the Newsboys all the time. Right now the song that is really speaking to me is "Mighty To Save" by Hillsong. I sing it all the time and play it all the time. Jonathan will sing it too and its darn cute. "Hosanna" by Paul Baloche is another favorite.

Monica said...

I love Never Alone and the others as well.

Music helps so much, I am grateful that their are people who can write how I feel or sometimes how I SHOULD feel.

God Bless,

Sherri said...

Thank you for sharing that! I know when I was pregnant with Miles "Bring the Rain" was EXACTLY how I was feeling too. We would sing that song in church and I could never make it through without bawling. But, God is SO good and now when we sing it, I just get a huge smile!

Anonymous said...

You amaze me so much!! And I am so ever thankful for you. Anytime I am feeling down, a bit lost in life's journeys, torn between decisions, and just struggling in general you are always there with a reminder of our faithful and heavanly Father. I don't recall a single time that I've felt like I am now, overwhelmed by things and you not being there with some sort of encouraging words or uplifting post. I thank you so much for just being you!! Just know that you mean the world to me!!

Kristen said...

You're pretty special to me too. If you ever want to talk call me or come on over. Sometimes just an understanding listening ear is all it takes or just some fun girl time together playing with our babies. Love ya!

Anonymous said...

Great post, Kristen! Sorry you couldn't sleep!

My name is Sarah said...

This is Joyce. Kristen this is just beautiful. Thank you for sharing.