So Blessed

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

I dressed Cayman in this cute little shirt today.
I bought it when I was pregnant with her. I loved its simple, clean design; the tiny pleats, the lace ruffles on the sleeves, the embroidered flowers, and the petite bows. But that's not the main reason why I love this shirt.

If this shirt becomes stained and even torn I will never throw it away. It's going right in Cayman's keepsake box once she outgrows it.

I wrote a journal entry the day I bought this shirt. After reading it I think you'll know exactly why this shirt is so special.

Saturday November 10, 2007
I walked into the ultrasound just a few days ago and my biggest thought was "I hope we get to find out if it's a boy or a girl?"

I never expected to later discover there was something wrong with my baby.

Now my biggest thoughts are "Will she live? Will she die? Will she be born with abnormalities?" These thoughts plague and taunt me all day and night. They keep me awake even when I'm at my most tired.


How do I handle this? How can I handle this?

Yesterday I started preparing myself for a loss of our baby. I stopped picturing her growing up. She became so nonexistent I felt as though she was no longer inside of me. I asked God, "How do I handle this since you promise You don't give more than I can bear?"

Live for today, came to my mind.

She's alive today. I can feel her moving inside of me. I have her ultrasound pictures to look at and hold.

So today I went shopping with my mom and sisters. I bought Cayman a few outfits. This was the first I had bought anything for my baby. I do not know if she will ever get to wear them but today I wanted her to have the cute outfits for today she is with me.

I think this is what it means to live like there's no tomorrow. Obviously if we knew there was no tomorrow we would not go to work, we wouldn't spend so much time catching up on the loads of laundry we're behind on, we'd spend the day with those that we love, and we'd blow our savings account. But there's another way to live like there's no to
morrow...a more practical way since our guess at the future is as good as a magic eight ball's. You live for what you have right now.

So today I have Cayman and I had so much fun picking out a few outfits for her. It brought me so much joy to be able to do that. I bought my baby girl the cutest things because today she's with me. I am not going to picture and "prepare" myself for losing her because today I still have her. It doesn't take the worry and fear away. It just makes today bearable and isn't that what God promises?...to not give more than we can bear. And if tomorrow I lose her I will all over again not know how to handle it. How can I handle it? And I will ask God again and He will then tell me. That's how we get through any hard time. One step at a time. God's faithfulness does not necessarily revolve around the hard situation ceasing. Rather Him promising to provide each step and the strength needed to take it. It's this fulfillment of His promise that makes Him faithful.

So today God gets the praise, and tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day....

And here's the cute little girl...alive and modeling her shirt!
"Thank You God! You get the praise!"

9 Showin' Comment Love:

Sherri said...

How elated you must feel to see your wonderful little angel actually wearing that outfit! Thank you so much for sharing. As you've probably gathered..I looove decorating. But after we received Miles' diagnosis- we didn't decorate his own room. We waited until he was here and actually a couple months old. I can't imagine how painful it would have been to have a "little boy" room with no little boy to sleep in it. These little ones are such a blessing. I am thankful for our situation and how very, very grateful I am for my little boy. I'm sure you feel the exact same way. I never take a moment with him for granted.

Shannon said...

I wish there was a way to really convey a smile with writing...but I don't know how! Thanks for sharing this.
Cute shirt, too...but even cuter model! =) What a precious gift to be able to tell her this story one day and to let her finger the shirt that represented so much!

Anonymous said...

Cayman looks absolutely beautiful in her outfit!! I think purple is one of her many colors!! :-)

It's such a blessing being able to read your blog from before and see how amazing our God is and how He allowed for things to work out!!!

Cayman is such a blessing!!
We love u guys!
Valerie

Sherri said...

How adorable! I think Cayman has a trademark pose (the one with her little hand on her cheek) She is so stinkin' cute!

Lisa said...

Kristen...you are a kindred spirit. Your journal entry warmed my heart. Thank you for sharing it. Cayman looks lovely in her special outfit....what a mirable she is...and what an example you are :)

Mary said...

Your faith amazes and inspires me every day. Even when you were at such a very low point you had such strong faith. Thank you for sharing. I think my faith is growing by just witnessing you and your family and you grow and learn in your own walk with God.

Thank you!

-Tara said...

It's so funny that you posted this. I was in the store the other day getting things for Abby and I was thinking about how I never bought anything for Michelle until after she was here.
I was so afraid to buy anything because I wanted to be sure she was a girl. And then the doctors and nurses were trying to get us to prepare for us loosing our daughter.. I refused to believe that. She was there with me then so I went to the store and they must have thought I was insane when they told me the total and I swiped my bank card with the biggest grin and took it home washed it and than took it to Michelle. The first outfit that I saw was this one with bunny print all over it. She looked so cute. The day after I put her in it so many things turned for the better.. So now that I have written a blog inside your blog im so glad that Cayman is able to wear the things that you bought with that faith that so many do not have!

Grandma Cindy said...

Good thing you made a blog about the shirt... otherwise we probably wouldn't have noticed how cute it is because our precious darling Cayman is just so CUTE and adorable that everything else just gets lost in the pictures. XOXOXOXOXOXO Praying for those crazy surgeons to call ... Love you ones!!!!!!!!!!!

Josephine said...

This is a beautiful post.