The Beautiful Cayman Cindy

Monday March 24
10:45 a.m.
I am feeling so good right now. I forfeited one night of pumping for extra sleep. To get 6 hours of sleep straight feels amazing. I haven't had that in awhile, even before Cayman was born. I had become so uncomfortable in the last month of the pregnancy I was fortunate if I could sleep for more than 2 hours at a time. I was becoming so worn down that Mike took my alarm away from me last night and he "made me" sleep till I woke up on my own. I'm so glad he did. I was a bit upset with him actually at first because there is so much going on today that I was afraid I would literally not wake up until late in the day. But he promised me he would wake me up before it got too late. He didn't have to do that though. I did wake up on my own in the mid morning. I feel so much better! Mike always seems to know exactly how to take care of me so perfectly...and now Cayman too!

3:15 p.m.
Occupational Therapy (O.T.) came up early this morning to work with Cayman on sucking. She wasn't very cooperative I guess. Their plan is to work with her 4-5 days a week. So I'm glad to hear them take a more proactive approach. Daddy and I worked with Cayman today and she was sucking on a pacifier again. I think because it's so new to her it takes patience and time to get her to take the pacifier. O.T. was very busy this morning so they didn't have a lot of time to spend with her.
We met with the car seat safety lady today. There's a certain car seat she recommends for Cayman that will be very supportive for her large head. We can get this at Babies R Us so that's nice. It's expensive but that's what you get when you buy something good, and it's important for Cayman's safety.
Neurosurgery was by today. Cayman's shunt is working great. Her setting is at its lowest and draining the fluid just as it should. We were given the ok to sit her up now. She's had to lay flat so the fluid wouldn't drain too quickly right away.

4:30 p.m.
The doctor took Cayman's nasal cannula off today to see how well she would breathe completely on her own. She's doing great without it! We're so happy to be able to look at her face without tape or tubes on it!

Cayman had visitors today: my mom, my sister (Madison), and my brother (Tyson)

9:30 p.m.
I suppose random moments of anger are typical and even natural in this kind of situation. I love my baby girl! I think she's perfect just as she is. I just hate that we aren't home with her. Right now we don't have that "picture perfect" family experience. I hate that Cayman has had to go through so much already in the first 2 weeks of her life. I hate that this is only the beginning of more doctor appointments, therapy sessions, evaluations, tests, and more surgeries in her future. I know that she won't know any different. This is her world and it is all she knows. But as her Mom I want so much more for her than this! I don't understand what God has planned, but I am trying to trust and believe that He has plans for her and us...plans to prosper, not to harm, plans to give hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). This is definitely not the way I pictured entering parenthood. I feel so angry. I want a chance to get real rest, to hold my baby girl, and not be around medical talk. When we leave the hospital in the evening and come back to the Ronald McDonald house for supper, everyone in the dining room is talking about their children they have in the hospital and what their diagnosis is and all they have been through. I use to feel alone in our world of having a child with birth defects. Here I am surrounded by so many that are in a similar situation as us. Mike and I have talked about going out for dinner some evening just to do something different from this routine and it would be nice to enjoy a meal without hearing any hospital/medical talk. We just want to sit at home, the three of us, cuddled up on the couch watching TV...relaxing and feeling like life is normal again.