Missing Daddy

Saturday March 22
9:30 a.m.
It's been more of an adjustment than I expected without Mike here. He made it to work fine yesterday evening. I think it took him around an hour and half to get to work from Ann Arbor. He's staying at his brother's house since it's closer of a drive for him from there to work. I'm sure our two nieces are excited to have their Uncle Mike at their house.

I am so tired today. I slept in a bit longer than what I planned. So now I am very anxious to get over to the hospital to see my baby! Yesterday evening, when the baby passed away in the NICU, everyone except that family were asked to leave to give the family a time of private bereavement...very appropriate and understandable. But it was so hard. It made me want to cling to Cayman so tightly and I couldn't be with her. And I haven't seen her since then because of all this snow Ann Arbor got last night. About 11:00 p.m. last night I was about to tell Mom "Let's go see Cayman!" But in reality I thought about it, and realized that if we got stuck, it would be two women trying to push the van out of the snow and me having a C-section just 2 weeks ago, it probably would not be a good idea.

9:30 p.m.
Cayman is sucking on a pacifier now! Not a lot, but definite improvement. I had been asking the nurses when will they try to feed her by mouth. I've received all kinds of answers from "I don't know" "whenever the doctor orders it" "whenever Cayman shows she's ready by sucking". I focused mostly on this last answer and wondered why no one has been working with her then. So mom and I decided to take it into our own "hands" today. For the past couple days Mike and I have been trying to get her take the pacifier but Cayman really hated it. Mom had a good idea. She said since Cayman is so comforted by skin to skin touch, that I should take my finger, ungloved (of course washed very well), and try to work it into her mouth. I tried this and it worked! She relaxed her mouth and I later stuck a pacifier in her mouth and she sucked on it some. By the end of the day she was sucking very strong on my finger and then on a pacifier for several minutes straight before she fell asleep. I take that as a good sign that it was soothing to her. So she seems to be sucking well...now the next step is for her to swallow. Hopefully that will come as easy and quickly as her sucking.

My sisters (Stacey and Madison) and Stacey's husband (Dan) came for a visit today. Madison is staying the night with Mom and I at the Ronald McDonald house.

Daddy comes "home" tomorrow morning. Of course he'll be sleeping most of the day but just to have him back is great!! I'll probably take a nap during the day myself. I am so behind on sleep...but that's motherhood right? :o)